So, Religion:1 [where I waste the vast majority of my time] has been having some problems with spillover from Islam:2 lately.

Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. Okay, well, it would. I should know -- I was a part of the last spillover problem, and that shit still gets bitched about. But...this was a very special, weird e-domestic-dispute containing spillover.

And it turned into a strange revenge-botting. By which I mean 'some idiot fills the room with similarly named sockpuppets to prevent others from getting into the room, in order to 'shut it down''.

Somehow, it had something to do with Islam:2 being full of bots, and...possibly someone from Islam:2 having looked at the chat list and noticing Religion:1 once. I honestly don't know -- there was zero sense being made.

I decided to go beyond zero sense, and into negative sense. I reported the user to Yahoo.

Subject: Auto Confirmation - Your Yahoo! Abuse support request was received
From: Yahoo! Customer Care [reportabuse@cc.yahoo-inc.com]
Date: 02-Mar-10 11:59

Hello,

This is an automated message regarding your recent request for Yahoo!
Abuse Customer Care support. We have received your message and will
respond within the next 48 hours with an answer.

Thank you for reaching out to us. We look forward to helping you!

Sincerely,

Yahoo! Customer Care

**Please do not respond to this message as no one will receive it.

That'd be their response. Also, there's more:

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
From: Yahoo! Customer Care [reportabuse@cc.yahoo-inc.com]
Date: 02-Mar-10 19:42

Hello,

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Customer Care.

We appreciate your report of abuse in Yahoo! Chat. I understand that you
would like to report abuse in Yahoo! Chat. However, I need some more
information from you first before I can further investigate your issue.

Please provide the following if you haven't already:

- Exact Yahoo! ID that you are reporting

- Your Yahoo! ID

- Name of the Chat room involved

If possible (and if you haven't already), please provide us a copy of
the harassment. You can do this by sending us a copy of the chat log
file. To do this you must turn on Chat Archiving in your Messenger
software.

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Select "Yes, save all of my messages."

5. Click the "Apply" button.

6. Click the "OK" button.

If the abuse occurs again, please copy and paste the contents of the
archive with that particular user into your email to us.

To view your archived chat:

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Click on the "View Archive" button.

5. Select the user you are reporting from the list in the left window.

6. Copy and Paste the offending text into an email to us.

Once we have received the necessary information, we can continue to
investigate this issue.

Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Customer Care.

Regards,

Jay Tyler

Yahoo! Chat Abuse

69004043

http://www.yahoo.com/

Original Message Excluded:
--------------------------

Okay. I can do that. I reply, keeping everything intact -- including the reference number in the subject line [which I've excluded here]. I find it a bit odd that I'm supposed to reply to this one, but not the other one, because they're the same email addresses. I figure it has something to do with the reference number...in the subject line.

But, whatever. It's Yahoo. There's probably some sort of method by which emails are sorted, right?

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
Date: 03-Mar-10 11:13

Exact Yahoo ID: leprinced_de_deutschland
My Yahoo ID: Hunter.the_CrazyChick
Name of Chatroom Involved: Religion:1 [and possibly Islam:2]

The bots leprinced_de_deutschland used followed a naming pattern. s##s_gizmo_# [where # represents a numerical digit]. 'gizmo' was sometimes 'gizmodo' or 'gizmosaurus'. I think there were also instances of broken_gizmo. I can't be sure, as they don't show up in my logs.
Portions of the archive:

leprinced_de_deutschland: [15] we not play
dancingwithmisty: GO BACK TO IT, IF IT'S SO WONDERFUL
leprinced_de_deutschland: [16] LOCK
dancingwithmisty: R1 will NEVER be Islam2
demonrald: Mic ain't workin'
leprinced_de_deutschland: [17] unrstand?
demonrald: Audiho is lying.
leprinced_de_deutschland: [18] r1 b close
leprinced_de_deutschland: [19] LOK
audiho: dem, fuck you.
demonrald: She studies aberrant psychology.
audiho: :-?
demonrald: Especially guys who have bunny fixations.
dancingwithmisty: Get OUT
leprinced_de_deutschland: [20] thank lava
leprinced_de_deutschland: [21] ur name get lok now
demonrald: damn it
dancingwithmisty: Lava isn't even in here. GET OUT
audiho: oh, julio. :(
audiho: dem, your mic sucks, your life sucks, just kill yourself
leprinced_de_deutschland: [22] end of talk

leprinced_de_deutschland: [60] thank 2 lava
leprinced_de_deutschland: [61] n u r homo
leprinced_de_deutschland: [62] all ur name lok

leprinced_de_deutschland: [64] tel lave revove bot in islam chat and this bots leave

leprinced_de_deutschland: [84] when wickd pull bot from 2 I pill bot here
leprinced_de_deutschland: [85] this is deal no exce3ption

leprinced_de_deutschland: [89] gump name get loked now

leprinced_de_deutschland: [90] rel 1 closing down 2day
leprinced_de_deutschland: [91] find new rom
leprinced_de_deutschland: [92] hunter no talk
leprinced_de_deutschland: [93] name lok

Rough translation: he intended to shut down Religion:1 by filling it with bots. He also repeatedly threatened to lock other user names. He wasn't able to, but this doesn't change the threats or his intention to do so.

Apparently, he was back during the night, while I was asleep. It's likely that he'll also return today, but I probably won't have any record of that as I've ignored him.
Thank you for not sending me an auto-response asking me to ignore the individual.

So, there you have it -- my reply. Everything they asked for, right?

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
From: reportabuse@cc.yahoo-inc.com
Date: 03-Mar-10 19:35

Hello,

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Customer Care.

The Yahoo! Customer Care team that supports Chat issues is primarily
English-speaking.

Please forward a translation of the information and we will review the
situation further and take appropriate action.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Customer Care.

Regards,

Yahoo! Chat Abuse

69004043

http://www.yahoo.com/

Did you catch that?

If you're beating your head on your desk right now, or executing the world's largest and most emphatic facepalm, you're reacting exactly how I reacted. Except...I don't have a desk, so I couldn't really 'headdesk'. And I honestly couldn't decide which was more...warranted. I think both. Or at least some image of something else doing it -- a cute kitten with its face buried in its paws on the floor, or Puppet Angel, or, y'know, something less used than Picard. Maybe Jon Stewart.

Anyway, I replied:

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
Date: 03-Mar-10 21:12

What I sent you *was* in English.

Which should've been the end of it.

Subject: Re: Other Abuse (Not Listed)
From: Yahoo! Chat chat-advocacy@cc.yahoo-inc.com
Date: 04-Mar-10 16:27

Hello,

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Chat.

We appreciate your report of abuse in Yahoo! Chat. I understand that you
would like to report abuse in Yahoo! Chat. However, I need some more
information from you first before I can further investigate your issue.

Please provide the following if you haven't already:

- Exact Yahoo! ID that you are reporting

- Your Yahoo! ID

- Name of the Chat room involved

If possible (and if you haven't already), please provide us a copy of
the harassment. You can do this by sending us a copy of the chat log
file. To do this you must turn on Chat Archiving in your Messenger
software.

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Select "Yes, save all of my messages."

5. Click the "Apply" button.

6. Click the "OK" button.

If the abuse occurs again, please copy and paste the contents of the
archive with that particular user into your email to us.

To view your archived chat:

While in Messenger:

1. Click on "Messenger" at the top of the client.

2. Click on "Preferences."

3. Click on "Archive."

4. Click on the "View Archive" button.

5. Select the user you are reporting from the list in the left window.

6. Copy and Paste the offending text into an email to us.

Once we have received the necessary information, we can continue to
investigate this issue.

Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Chat.

Regards,

Jay Tyler

Yahoo! Chat Abuse

69004043

http://www.yahoo.com/

Original Message Excluded:
--------------------------

Yeah. That feeling you have? You have read this before. It's pretty much the same, except for, y'know, the chat part.

So I sent them the same email as before, but with this line on the end:

That's all in English. I can't do much of anything to translate it into anything else, because 'can't type' isn't another language. This is pretty much what I've already sent to you before.

Their response? Scroll up to the last email they sent me. That was their response.

All I've learned from this is that the system that sorts their emails involves a beach pail of d100s on an uneven table and the Lemarchand Configuration.

Okay, now that I've got a minute to myself....

I got this letter last week. I typed it all in, and promptly lost it, which is a little annoying, but, hey, at least I typed it all in.

Also, I still have the envelope.

That, right there, was all I needed to see. I knew I was in for something special. Not the 'comedy goldmine' special I usually hope for when unsolicited crap shows up, but the 'incoherent vagina rage' type.

Dear [name],

I'm writing you today because I believe that, like me, you're a pro-life Christian who shares my goal of protecting the sanctity of human life.

What'd you just call me?

We haven't met, but I'm Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family®, a Christian ministry dedicated to helping families thrive.

We still haven't met. One of your squad of sub-secretarial envelope-stuffing lackeys slapping my name into a form letter and mailing it off does not constitute 'meeting'.

If I'm right about your desire to champion a culture of life in America, then I hope you'll act immediately by going to www.FocusOnTheFamily.com/BeAVoiceForLife.

I'm more interested in championing the culture of 'get your damned kids off my lawn before I late-term abort them for you,' actually....

The good news is, thanks to friends like you, the heart of a committed culture of life is already beating strongly across our nation.

Isn't that just dandy. Why are you wasting a couple of quarters on me, then?

I'd like to share with you a story of how Christians are working to bring our nation “back to life”:

It's story time. Gather 'round....

Lee was 24 years old and unmarried when she learned she was pregnant. Having just ended a rocky 6-year relationship with her boyfriend and being estranged from her family, the last thing she needed – or wanted – was a baby.

So...lemme just fill in here. Lee's 24. Six year relationship. So, eighteen. Boyfriend not given an age. Away from her family. I'm guessing older guy, and she ran away to be with him, instead of following any previous life plan she had.

Feeling ill-equipped to parent and all alone, Lee believed that abortion was her only option. But Life Choices, a pregnancy medical clinic in Memphis, gave Lee hope for the first time. They helped her develop plans for successful parenting, reconciling with her family and getting back on track with God.

Let's try to clear this up a bit. Lee, in your standard 'my life is over' unplanned pregnancy panic, flipped through the yellow pages [or something], looking for planned parenthood, and found the incredibly misleading 'Life Choices'. Thinking that they'd help her by actually giving her options, she went in and found herself in a church with medical equipment. A sort of year-round Hell House.

“When I saw the ultrasound,” says Lee, “I was in shock, overwhelmed, scared and excited all at the same time. I mostly remember seeing his teeny, tiny heart beating – so fast! Although a part of me was still scared, seeing my baby on the ultrasound made me look at my pregnancy in a different way.

And here's where I start really feeling bad about all this. Not in a 'I shouldn't make fun of this' sort of way, but in a 'my god, people are being scammed, and they're getting away with it' sort of way. Exactly how long do places like this force you to put off the appointment? Do they even show you your ultrasound? Because, every time I read one of these stories, it sounds kinda the same. It's all about seeing their little baby, and their little heartbeats, and...what the fuck is going on here?

Okay. I just asked someone who recently gave birth about this whole heartbeat thing. She said she was able to see it at three months. Either Lee really put things off, or Life Choices really put things off. Or they used an ultrasound machine with a video feed of someone else's ultrasound. Honestly, none of these things would surprise me.

“The ultrasound made a huge impact on my decision,” she says. “I made a life-affirming decision because of God, prayer and Life Choices.”

Also, the fact that Life Choices isn't about choices. Life Choices wouldn't offer you an abortion, even if it was medically necessary. They'd make you have that thing, even if you died. Because the birth is all that matters to them. What happens to you, or the child, after it's born? Not their problem.

...which is why I made this shirt....

Lee's story is an amazing story. But, more important, it's additional proof that among women at risk for abortion, providing counseling and ultrasound results in nearly 60% more stated decisions for life than with counseling alone. What's more, Lee's baby is just one of 72,000 we now estimate have been saved in this way.

You want to play the numbers game? That's great. Let's play the numbers game. How 'bout 87% of Pregnancy Resource Centres providing false information about abortion. I'm sure that study is about as broad and sound as your study, so let's run with it, shall we?

Twenty-three were called; twenty gave false information and tried to push the investigator away from abortion.

So, what've you proved? That women should only go to real medical facilities, and not churches that bought a fucking ultrasound machine.

The problem is, we've been debating the value of human life in America for more than three decades, ever since Roe vs. Wade. But about a million women are still walking into abortion clinics every year without the benefit of seeing a sonogram of their baby. Your support will help us provide Option Ultrasound™ Program (OUP) grants for ultrasound machines and sonography training for Pregnancy Medical Clinics (PMCs) across the country, helping to reach even more women before they reach the abortion clinic door.

Changing the name won't stop people from knowing what they are. And I don't want to help your churches buy medical equipment.

I also don't want to take away anyone's choices – which is exactly what you're doing every time you lure someone in with lies.

As we face the ongoing political reality of a pro-abortion President and Congress the urgency for us to act now couldn't be greater. Ironically, just as believers nationwide were observing Sanctity of Human Life Month in January, our President, Barack Obama, pledged to champion the Freedom of Choice Act. This disturbing proposal would virtually eliminate all existing state and federal laws protecting the preborn.

Good for him. I hope he actually does it.

Because I believe you're a Christian who cares about the sanctity of human life, I'm turning to you to help save lives. In the next year, Focus on the Family wants to:

I'm a pro-choice atheist. Get the fuck out of my uterus.

• Provide 50 grants for ultrasound machines and sonography training for Pregnancy Medical Clinics (PMCs) across the country. We estimate that the lives of tens of thousands of babies will be saved as their mothers' hearts are changed.
• Educate 150 staff and board members from 50 PMCs to reach abortion-minded women before they make the tragic mistake of ending their preborn baby's life
• Equip millions of Americans to be a voice for the preborn, the unwanted and the infirm in their communities, churches and campuses.
• Encourage families to adopt one of the 130,000 legal orphans in foster care, precious kids who just want a family to call their own.

What, exactly, does all this pro-life crap have to do with the elderly? Are there 80 year old grandmas being forced to abort out there? Perhaps to make an ancient, mysterious Asian dish of some sort? Like bird nest soup, but with the uterine scrapings from a pregnant octogenarian?

Also, I already said no. Doesn't no mean no?

In order to accomplish these important objectives this year, I'm looking for new friends like you to rally behind us and help raise an incredibly ambitious $3.4 million. Would you consider doing something extraordinary to help? Would you send a gift right now to help take decisive action, save lives and build a new culture of life?

I am so far from being your friend right now, it's not even funny....

Your gift of any amount will help actively protect and nurture life in all of its dimensions – including the preborn, the elderly and the infirm – and proclaim our shared belief that humanity is created by God in His image. That's what our Lord would have us do. With your gift of $35 or more, we'll say thank you with a copy of the audiobook Why Pro-Life? You'll find more details on the back.

My gift of any...wait...I think I'm getting an idea....

Lemme finish this first; I'll get back to you.

We'd be honored to have you come alongside us. You can use the reply form provided. Or take action even faster at www.FocusOnTheFamily.Com/BeAVoiceForLife.

Ah, yes. The reply form. And the envelope...without a stamp. Cheap bastards. You're as bad as the Scientologists.

Many Americans support our goal of commonsense protections to save lives and protect women's health, so we have good reason to be optimistic about the future. But it's up to each of us, in our words and deeds, to secure that future by honoring life. May God grant us strength and resolve for this lifesaving work.

You fucking weasels. You're really going to finish it that way? Of course many Americans support 'common sense protections to save lives' and 'protecting women's health'. But not like that. Not through lies and bullshit.

Common sense protection is teaching kids about birth control, and how to protect themselves from STDs so they don't wind up with interesting new varieties that they pass on to their kids – the ones they suddenly have at fifteen. Protecting women's health includes abortion.

With you guys, though, I have absolutely no reason to be optimistic about the future. Especially not mine. In your future, I'm nothing more than subservient breeding stock, bound to a man even if I happen to be a lesbian.

That is not a bright future. I want nothing to do with it.

Sincerely,
[signature]
James D. Daly, President and CEO

P.S. Your willingness to take a stand for life is more important now than ever. So please join with Focus on the Family to honor and protect human life with your gift today.

I'm taking a stand for my life – the only life I'm able to stand for, or even speak for.

And, since you just reminded me...about gifts.

These guys? They do not need money. They need extinction. Their little group needs to be buried.

I say, send them a big, fat reality check. Expose them. If you've ever been hurt by one of their little Choiceless clinics, do something about it. Even if you weren't hurt – even if you caught on and got the hell out and went somewhere where they'd actually give you a choice, expose them. Expose their ads. Expose their methods. Catch them in their lies. Put them online for everyone to see.

It won't change their minds, but you might be able to warn someone else before they make a mistake. And you might even keep them from posting yet another stock-photo embellished story on one of their crappy, crappy websites....

There's my gift, and it comes with a strict no-returns policy.

Ideas. I have them sometimes. I don't often talk about them because some of them are like that apple patent I recently read about that forces people to interact with an ad, or their shit will be locked up.

This might be one of those, assuming it doesn't already exist.

So, I've got this DVR through Comcast, and I noticed a few things about it, and it's given me an idea for a feature it could probably have with a little bit of extra work on...someone else's part.

If you've got a DVR, you've probably noticed that show names show up, and change when you rewind past it to a different show. That's coded somewhere, I'm sure, and sent to the box.

That's important to know, because that's basically what my 'idea' involves, except potentially a little more complicated...because...lemme think how to word this....

Ever seen an ad for a show and thought 'yeah, I want to set up a recording for that'? If you're like me, you don't want to even bother going in to use the search function, because it's tedious. And tracking it down in the onscreen guide can be a pain in the ass, too.

So, here it is: let people set up a recording for the show through the ad for the show. A little extra code embedded in the ad that would let you easily set up a recording for that specific show.

I can see the potential for an evil side to this, but...I kinda want this ease.

Also, if I somehow managed to think of it first, I totally want paid.